Men, Marriage, and Careers
2006 November 28
When a man proposing for marriage says…
I want a woman who will be a home-maker, and not interested in a career. I don’t prefer her to have a degree.
…it is code for: I am looking for a doormat that I can step all over at will.
When a man proposing for marriage says…
I want a woman with a degree, who will know how to balance a career and her duties at home.
…this is code for: I am looking for a cash machine that also cooks and cleans.
No middle-ground, huh, guys? Such a pity. Our degrees might be cold comfort…but at least it will be a comfort.
good one!! totally agreed with you.
lol, such a pity indeed.
Drama Div@ , I wish nobody would have to agree with me on such things
Faith,
oh well! 
Yes, yes, yes..unfortunately all true. well if the woman work she has at least something to fall back on if things go bad.Without a degree she will be a doormat and sometimes a punching bag..sad reality:(
Oh dear sis, I have to outright disagree with you on this….
I have a degree that I worked my butt off for, and havent a worked a day of my married life, alhamdulillah. I don’t consider (nor does my hubby) myself a “doormat” or a “cash machine”, either, Alhamdulillah.
What I do consider myself is a Muslim woman who knows her priorities are being a Muslim first, a wife second, and everything else after that. Being a homemake is something I am proud of and know that no man would be able to replace or upstage me in, least of all hubby, hehe. Education is important, I agree, but the type of and the application of said education is where I have my issues. Cultural and societal pressures have made the idea of being a wife and mother something shameful, when in Islam we know this is where the most reward for a woman is found. Allah has placed a unique quality and quantity of rahmah in a womans heart in order to fulfill her delicate duties.
Hope I didn’t offend anyone, I just don’t like that the idea of following the sunnah of the Umm ul Mumineen (who were HIGHLY educated in the deen, duh) or being what society labels “house wives” is considered being oppressed and subjugated.
But I do love you gals! : )
Noura, It is an unfortunate reality, yes…and its even more “surprising” when the women with the degrees become “punching bags” too!
Muslim Wife, No no no, darling Ukhti, I am not saying being a homemaker makes you a doormat, OR that having a degree means we can either replace OR upstage our husbands. I do honestly think that being a wife and mother would be the best job in the universe–as you pointed out, the Ummahaat al Mu’mineen fulfilled both roles in such a way that we could only dream to follow in their footsteps!
However, what I am saying is that the status Islam has given to women in EITHER role is being hijacked by aseeming majority of Muslim men. They seem to be of the opinion that the housewife has no rights, and will/should not speak up when her Islamic rights are violated…and the flip side of the coin is that those who want an “educated” woman are not seeing somebody who pursued academics for her own personal enrichment, but rather for the financial enrichment of the future hubby.
In short, its the majority case that the rights of the Muslim woman are being ripped from us from men in both religious and “modern” guises. Its like they have somehow forgotten that they are applying for a wife.
Alhamdulillah that not every marriage is characterized by either such man–its marriages like yours, mashaAllah, that gives hope to us girls who have run into these types of men repeatedly.
So, no, you did not offend–you uplifted!
Love you too, dear Ukhti! *kiss*
My marriage “giving hope”? Well first off, Masha’allah masha’allah masha’allah,lol, and second…let’s keep our hope all from Allah insha’allah : )
Muslim Wife, “let’s keep our hope all from Allah insha’allah” excellent reminder, habibti!
lol you hit it on the nail. may allah bless you for these informative post.
Sheryza Welcome to our blog! I don’t know about informative–they are usually just a way for me to make sense of the life and deeni lessons we all run into…and if it speaks to you on some level, then I am very happy–makes one feel less alone, yes?
Look forward to reading more of you, and am going to be coming to your blog tonight, inshaAllah 
You hit the bulls eye with this post
tradicionalista, lovely name, and welcome! Unfortunately, re-reading this post makes me realize I still feel the same way…majority rules, and its the extreme minority out there that have lost the way to my door!!
thanks!!!
haha soo true
hah!
how’s that for giving the benefit of the doubt?
such cynicism doesn’t suit the muslim.
Haha, I laughed when reading this!!!:-) I love your blog btw!