Self-Esteem and Relationships

Ever get that feeling of I love you, followed almost instantly by I hate you at the slightest provocation? Here is an article from the LA Times Health Section talking about how this is a self-esteem issue. Apparently if we are well-adjusted, then we don’t swing from one extreme to the next over the littlest things, like when he forgets an anniversary.

Researchers found that people with low self-esteem — as measured by standard psychological scales — seem to have “separate stores of positive and negative partner information.” In other words, their partner, relative or friend is either idealized or vilified.

The report, published in May in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, suggests that healthy self-esteem — and not superhuman powers of forgiveness — is what enables a wife to say, “Even though my husband completely forgot our anniversary, he was so sweet and apologetic when he realized his mistake we had a glorious evening out two days later.”

Awwwwww 😀

But this doesn’t mean that self-esteem is easy to spot in another person. Researchers point out there is a big difference between self-confidence — which is typically associated with a particular task — and self-esteem, which goes to the heart of someone’s sense of himself or herself. A person can have a great deal of self-confidence in athletic abilities, for example, yet still lack this core sense of self-worth.

So I guess I am normal after all 😉 Yeah, right! 😆


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4 Responses to Self-Esteem and Relationships

  1. Inkpot says:


    For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been confused over two things; whether or not I’m adopted or if I’m crazy. I seriously thought, at one point, that I have a disease that affects my mind. Even till today, I somtimes wonder if I’m truly normal. Because if you start to read about the abnormalities, you really start thinking that you’re a member of that league. I have taken many of those tests online and somehow I always feel more crazier than before. So in the end I realised that these tests are probably all just rubbish, tryin to earn more traffic and i…am…completely…normal. let’s see how true I am! hehe

    Another thing…how would you define ‘self esteem’, ‘self-respect’ and ‘ego’? In the past one year, this question has been repeatedly asked around and I often try to work out a differene between the three. When does one know that its time to put a stop and change your path with someone, or when do we have to forgive someone and embrace them with forgiving arms?

    LOL, I know you’re no guru, but I just wanted to know what you think of this. And by the way, don’t consider me a stranger. I’ve been reading your blog, so I know you well (the part that you reveal on the blog any way! 🙂 )

  2. DigiN says:

    Salaamu Alaykum sister! You flatter me by asking my opinion, wallahi…

    For me, self-esteem comes with time and experiences in life. Your family and friends and colleagues play a big role in how healty your self-esteem is. If they are always supportive, the self-esteem will be strong. It will allow you to take risks in a reasonable manner. Risks being for those with healthy self-esteem, and gambles being for those with low self-esteem. Self-respect is something every individual has, and is totally tied to self-esteem…at the point when you feel the self-esteem deteriorating, i.e., you start questioning your own judgement, then the self-respect kicks in and allows you to remove yourself from detrimental situations. I have no idea if what I just said makes sense…but I have enough of an ego to believe it. 😆 Hmmmm, so I guess ego is that crazy thing that can get out of control really fast; you can have too much ego–cockiness–but you really can’t have enough self-respect. Especially if you are a person of conscience.

    Self-esteem, in the context of this particular article, allows one to separate the small insignificant slights that happen as a part of life, unintentionally, from the the big things, the meaningful abuses that people can heap upon you. One with low self-esteem would probably allow the abuses, and yet rant and rave about the little slights. Does that make an iota of sense? 😆 I have no idea…

    And I am so happy you see you here. I try to not reveal too much of myself, but I guess the character behind the screen must kind of seep through, huh? This is the first time in my life I can express myself with anonymity–such a blessing, really! 🙂 Even though I don’t mind ranting to myself, its nice to know there is someone out there who does not think I am completely crazy. And you must be normal…I just checked out your blog, and its fantastic mashallah. I will come back for a more in-depth read in a couple of days inshallah 🙂 Jazakallah Khair!

  3. Inkpot says:

    Oh jazakallah so much sis. Its an aweful lot of typing up there! Its almost a post and very valuable one too. Thank you for dissecting the muddled concept into three distinct aspects. It does make sense, however its always a tad hard to practise it in real life.

    lol and you’re not at all crazy! Trust me on that. I know crazy people and you’re nothing like them or atleast not the on blog! hehe 🙂


  4. DigiN says:

    Wa Alaykum Salaam!
    Ummmm, you are welcome, but I rambled that bit of nonsense at 2am, so bear that in mind! 😆 And I want to hear your thoughts on these three things that you wonder about–I am sure you have something excellent to share with me! 😀

    Ahhhh, then you know some really crazy ones–I do too 🙄 Gotta love ’em! 🙂

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