Stop! Don’t say it!

You know, there are times when we just can’t control our tongues. Sometimes, someone does or says something that just pushes you over that very fine line separating reason, love and common sense from despicable, hateful venom. It can transform a beautiful person, with the most generous heart into raving, red-faced demon who appears to be full of hate!

Have you ever become that demon? What made you realize you went way over the line of good Islamic manners? Did you damage yourself more, or the person who first pushed you over the edge and then became your victim? Chances are great that damage was done to both parties, even when getting angry for a good, Islamically-sound reason. Seriously, damage to a human being’s spirit and esteem is not the worth that moment of wrath.

Please don’t become that person. The one who turns to uttering words that can never be taken back. Damage control after such episodes is often far more difficult than it would have been to have self-control in the first place. Its literally an uphill battle to explain those words away.

In looking for Islamic material on this topic, I found an article at Hizmet books that is short and rather comprehensive. This duaa jumped out at me, and I wish I could have it in Arabic:

Oh my Allah! Give me knowledge ‘Ilm’, decorate me with softness ‘Hilm’, bless me with piety ‘Taqwa’, and make me beautiful through wellness ‘Afiyat’.

When I am overtaken by anger, its sometimes difficult to remove myself from the situation to go and do wudhu to calm myself down. But, I can almost always talk myself through it by asking myself questions: What is going on here? Do I need to respond right now? Is this worth saying something I might potentially at some future date regret? Considering that I have a very flip, very sarcastic tongue, stopping to question myself slows my tongue down considerably. And I really am a happier person now that I am less flippant. (Not that anyone else can really see the difference!)

I can only hope that everyone I have ever vented on can forgive me. I know I can never take back any damage I have done…but I can pray to never cause damage again. InshaAllah!

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8 Responses to Stop! Don’t say it!

  1. batoota says:

    Ma’shaAllah, what a beautiful reminder!

    May we take heed 🙂

  2. Umm Layth says:

    aameen

    Jazaaki Allaahu khairan and what a beautiful du`aa’

    It’s hard but man when you can control yourself it is just so much better for the soul.

  3. queenie says:

    I’m so glad you wrote about this!
    I often times have trouble holding my tongue. When I’m angry I act on impulse, and have quite a temper. I’ve been better at calming myself down and minimizing the damage in these situations, but we still always need a reminder. 🙂

  4. batootati, InshaAllah! And me first! 🙂

    Umm Layth, It is difficult to suppress the nafs–but so much worth the effort!

    queenie, there was a time when I never got angry…and then a phase when I started to get heated up and would express it…and then feel like hell for it…so have mellowed back out (even if nobody else can tell) to the point where I can feel like a human being again! Its a good feeling! 😀

  5. HijabiApprentice says:

    Unfortunately yes I have been that person, astughfirullah and ultimately I damaged myself more than anything. Jazak Allah kheir for a great reminder.

  6. HijabiApprentice, I bet we have all been that person at some point or another. Unfortunately, this is how we learn the most important life lessons, isn’t it?

  7. oh you guys just always hit it on the dot. great post!

  8. Sumera says:

    Thats a beautiful du’a. I’ll definitely be utilising that. My tongue seems to wag too quickly and my temper frays far too easily these days

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