The Kuffaar Made Me Do It!

This is a rant, and it’s largely going to sound like male-bashing or even Muslim bashing. Men and women who don’t think they need to sit through this, feel free to keep on clicking. However, if you do keep reading, I can guarantee one of two outcomes: You’ll leaving thinking a) that woman is a nutcase and a half; or b) that woman is just a nutcase. Guarantees don’t come better than that! Onwards…

What do we Muslims think we’re doing? I am talking to people, men and women, who choose to live in the West. We have got severe problems. One such problem is this whole routine we do about “Islam expects us to obey the laws and customs of the land we live in, so {popular with women} polygyny is not an option and {popular with men} we can’t hold down a job while having a beard and {popular with pretty much everyone} we have to celebrate Halloween with devil costumes and Thanksgiving with turkey, cranberry sauce, and a football game nobody really cares about! We just have to!”  There are about a million other things we justify doing under the guise of “we have no choice, it’s the way of the world now, we chose to come here so we should all just go with the flow and anybody who doesn’t is a backward third worlder!”

Then along comes a sticky situation that nobody wants to deal with honestly and with integrity. For example, a couple gets divorced and the man doesn’t want to let his wife go once and for all. So, he pulls out the old, “It’s a kuffaar court, so the divorce is not the same as talaaq, I signed the papers but I didn’t want to and I had no choice” routine, and everyone happily goes along with it, because my God, doesn’t the man sound so holy and pious? I mean, hello, he knows the word talaaq and everything! And this poor man is just suffering under the mighty heavy hand of the kuffaar! Forget the fact that Islam allows a woman to be free of a marriage that she cannot live with. Forget the fact that the Qur’an encourages men to let their wives go with “kindness and justice” even when they’re absolutely fed up with the women in question. Forget all that, because a) it’s just inconvenient, and b) well, it’s the kuffaar’s fault for interfering, don’t you get it? Oh, and c) it’s all about intention and he didn’t intend to divorce, so there.

Actually, no, I don’t get it. Because while a woman in such a situation* will not be able to get married again Islamically, the man still can, because Islam allows multiple wives, and he’s not violating the (kuffaar) law because he signed his divorce papers under duress of the kuffaar court. Talk about a win-win situation! Now, I have a few questions. Islamically, since we obviously care so very much about what Islam has to say in this whole sorry mess, doesn’t this man owe both wives equality? Equal maintenance, clothing, housing, etc? Or does he then get to pull out the “she left because she wanted to, and I don’t owe a disobedient wife anything” routine?

It’s retardation like this that gives the Irshad Manjis and Asra Nomanis of the world so much to work with. When we stop playing these stupid, petty games with ourselves, our deen, and each other, those people will melt away like so much hot air. But no. We’ll be on this merry-go-round for a while yet. All the “kuffar made me do it” people will make sure of that.

Meanwhile, they will be enjoying their beardless/hijabless/”Americanized” lives, dressed and acting like every other American in every way visible and invisible, while when white America wants someone to pick on, they’ll come to women like me and ask me if I’m oppressed. And I’ll wonder why they are asking me such a stupid question…until I remember all the “kuffar made me do it!” people who actually do make those questions legitimate. And I’ll send a little thank you prayer their way…or something a lot ruder and not fitting for any good Muslim to think, let alone say. Or maybe I should just send that impolite epithet their way, and justify it in my head by saying, “the kuffaar made me do it, it’s the way of the world now, don’t you get it?”

Yes, I am a nutcase. And yes, my rant is over. I feel a lot better for getting that off my chest. Thank you for reading.

*Situation exists all across America, and even in the supposedly Muslim world. I’m not talking about anybody in particular here. This is based very loosely on a recent reminder.


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4 Responses to The Kuffaar Made Me Do It!

  1. Yusuf Smith says:

    As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,

    Try telling men like that that they are behaving like Jews, because keeping women “chained” — sometimes for years — by refusing them religious divorces while themselves being free to remarry is something which sections of the Jewish community in the UK are notorious for.

  2. Hey salaams!

    I would like to add a third option – c) Genius!

    Lemme explain.

    There are far too many people (let’s call them muslims) who want to pick and choose what they believe in. Religion is something which unfortunately is something they were born with and are too scared to either denounce or practice fully (else they would be labled in some way… which you know could be so bad!). They want the best of both worlds – which to me would indicate that there is no heart in their practice.

    Hence they will blame anyone but themself.

    I think this is an excellent post (albeit in the form of a rant). I would love to hear WHY people who would potentially disagree with you – sounds like a touch of hypocrisy to me 😀

  3. realistic bird says:


    Yep I agree with cookie monster.

    There are many wannabes who want to be something else so it is easier to use they made me do it not only as an excuse but to save themselves a guilty conscience.

  4. Yusuf Smith, Wa Alaykum Salaam 🙂 Yes, that should do it…if there is anything that has potential to scare people straight, it’s being compared to Jews, which is breath-defyingly stupid. Or the supporters of such behavior will just say, “Tsk tsk, it’s so sad that some Muslims have resorted to such jaahil behavior, may Allah open his eyes to what he is doing that poor woman,” thus sweeping the whole mess neatly under the rug. As you can tell, my sense of optimism is at an all-time low…

    Cookie Monster, Wa Alaykum Salaam 🙂 I like that third option, thank you, but I’ve got a bit of a way to go before that can be a viable option! 😀 WHY they would disagree? I don’t really know, but I’ve heard some of the reasoning: I don’t understand that Islam gives men the right to either initiate divorce or accept a woman’s desire for a divorce; I don’t understand that a non-Muslim judge can’t come between an Islamic marriage; I’m far too stubborn and rebellious for my own good (when the first two arguments fail, then it’s time to get personal, you know?), etc. Of course, I’m open to hearing more reasons, so long as they do try to understand where my reasoning is coming from…

    And, oh yes…practicing fully (or not at all) would result in the all-evil labels! Can’t have that at all! The pressure of that would just cause them to crumble!

    realistic bird, Wa Alaykum Salaam 🙂 Oh yeah! Another vote for genius?! 😀 Don’t they realize a guilty conscience is one of the best things to have? SubhanAllah, but I think not feeling guilt is the sign of a dead heart.

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