Here I am, sitting on my prayer rug, seeing the end of the 15th night of Sha’baan. The night feels very different from other nights, and I have no idea why I am so blessed to feel the difference. I have been nothing but forgetful of Allah this past year. I have filled my life with frivolity, and wonder if I can snap out of it. I have stumbled more times than I care to remember.
My soul is burdened with the errors of my conscious doing. My heart is cold with the number of black spots I have placed upon it. Yet, Allah in His Infinite Mercy has allowed me to see this night, and feel it’s quiet beauty. There is so much for me to pray for, so much for me to ask Allah’s Help and Guidance for. Not for the first time, I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of my inability to learn. I am afraid of my lead feet which keep dragging me backwards.
The night is coming quickly to an end. I have only an hour or so more to send durood to the Prophet صل الله عليه و سلم. Only an hour or so more to ask for forgiveness. And only that much less time to pray for the wonderful people I’ve been blessed to know.
So little time, so much to do.