On our own, we are nothing

A couple of weeks ago, I did something incredibly stupid. I mean, it was so stupid, I can’t even tell you what I did. It was one of those irreversible moments in time, where you see time stop. My bones turned liquid, I could feel my marrow quiver, I literally collapsed to the floor in sujood and all I could think in that moment was, “Allah, help me and forgive me. My life is over. I turn over everything to you, I cannot protect this person anymore. I tried to help him, and all I did was ruin my own life.” I couldn’t even tell my mom what I did until this past Friday. It was that magnitude of epic stupid that slammed home the cold harsh reality that should have been obvious to me for months now.

All of the last two weeks, I’ve been hoping and praying that the repercussions will not be hideously unbearable. Today, I got the first good sign that maybe it’s all going to okay, inshaAllah. Because, today, that issue that I was trying to protect someone from, that I was trying to solve by myself, today, that person handled it all for themselves. All the people involved seem to have revealed themselves in the best of ways. My mother told me, “It was like the moment you turned that person’s protection over to Allah, Allah blessed us all with His Immense Mercy and Protection.” Alhamdulillah.

All I can do is see to my own life. I can’t protect you. I can’t teach you. I can’t learn for you. I can’t do anything for you. All I can do is a meager amount for myself. And even then, Allah is in control. I really am nothing more than a lump of clay, and Allah protects me from myself in ways I probably don’t even realize.

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6 Responses to On our own, we are nothing

  1. realistic bird says:

    Salam,

    Alhamdulilah sis, tawakul ala Allah SWT is always part of the solution. Allah SWT Takes intentions into account also so if a person meant no harm HE is sure to help him/her out.

    May Allah help us all out of our problems, ameen.

  2. Alisha says:

    You just made me remember: Allah is the best Protector for all of us…isnt that such a comforting thought? 🙂
    p.s. Happy Ramazan!

  3. D.S. says:

    What you said makes me very curious about what it wa that you did, and at the same time too afraid to find out what it was. At least all seemed to have turned out Ok, I hope everything will be alright with your situation.

  4. Wa’Alaykum Salam, realisticbird 🙂 Tawakul is so easy to forget, sometimes. It’s like the line between tying the camel and trusting in Allah becomes blurred…I sometimes am tying the camel well after I need to be! I’ve been so blessed, alhamdulillah.

    Alisha, Happy Ramzan to you too! 🙂 It is a comforting thought, too easily forgotten 😦

    D.S., Ah, well… :). I hope it goes well, too, inshaAllah, thanks! So far, so good…alhamdulillah.

  5. Ajla says:

    Hands down, great post, mashaAllah! You got at least wisdom from this and it did wake you up. Y’know, I sometimes think I am so aware of things, which I am but when things really HAPPEN I still get baffled, it still surprises me, I still might make a mistake or two I even KNOW I shouldn’t do. But these are all precious moments in themselves. We’re human with them, however they might give you that haunting feeling your chest and you might just want to forget.

    InshaAllah, things will continue to go better!!

    • Thank you, sweet Ajla! The thing is, I should have already had that wisdom, but it deserts me from time to time, unfortunately. And you’re right…these moments do remind us of our imperfect humanity.

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